I bought my 21" IMAC back in 2011 and I have used the crap outta it! I use it to do my Photoshop portraits and to help design and layout projects. So, my dear friend Pam has gifted me a brand new IMAC that I am receiving directly from Apple on March 19th! It is a big old 27" monster with all the bells and whistles and I couldn't be more excited!! Just had to post the news here because lately...good stuff to post here has been hard to find! I do love me some Pammy!!
It has been a very long year. I know...it was 365 days just like the year before but man...did it seem longer than normal. I think that because of the suffering, loss, anxiety and fear felt by so many over the past trip around the sun it for sure feels longer than 365 days.
I am still not gainfully employed and have been waiting over two weeks for a call from Epic after what I hope was a good final face to face interview and skills test. However, you never really know how you are interpreted by others in those situations. What I feel was good may be perceived as a disaster by the person sitting across from you.
So, i get my 560 bucks a week from unemployment, work out, paint and try to stay sane while I wait for the news. The back up plan is to pack up and head back to Vermont in an attempt to reset and reboot and start over from scratch while a bit closer to friends and family.
I am trying to get motivated to paint today because I haven't finished a painting in over a month and need to get busy. So, I now get ready for a work out, shower, get dressed, head to the store for fruit and chicken and then maybe pack a few cases and then if I am lucky...paint! I hope I get a call tomorrow from the work gods and that my life can take a good turn soon. Have a good one.
Another day of waiting on my unemployment while trying to find a mindless and soulless job that will crush my spirit and soul and kill my artist drive. I really need a stress free environment where I can just sit and paint and let the flow go but unless you are exceptional and have an exceptional support mechanism and exceptional luck...well...The chances of being a full time working fine artist is low unless you want to starve to death and live in your car.
I often thought that if I won the lottery I would build an artist colony. A place in a very cool part of the world where artist could live free of bills and stress and just focus on their art. A place with a gallery where these artists could show their work and maybe catch that big break that will give them some freedom and independence.
How cool would that be...wake up...get dressed...eat brekkie...paint!
...and they say there aren't any dreamers left in the world.
Hello out there to anyone who may be reading this. It's a Monday and it's cold outside. The boys are sleeping on the bed and old episodes of The Rifleman are on the tv as I sit here and stare at the most recent painting that I am doing. It is acrylic on canvas and it is the second figure study that I have done in a row. To be honest, I am struggling with her and am at the point where I want to finish her and get back in the clouds where there aren't so many rules to live by.
I did these sketches several years ago (The Muse Sleeps) and (The Lady In The Red Room). I just never got around to painting them. I dragged them out and have been slogging away on them for a few weeks now. As soon as I finish Red, I want to get a big canvas and do an epic sky scene...BIG SKY keeps popping into my head. I can't start it till Red is done and when I am not really enjoying a painting it is like pulling teeth to finish her...it's close...a few more days and maybe then.
I think skies may be my thing. I enjoy them very very much and I think they may the one thing that I do well. Something about the freedom and being able to just create as I go is what appeals to me. So, it is getting late and I am getting ready to work here robes and draping. I need the drape to be flawless to complete it and it will take some time. So...here we go.
So, as any of you know that have ever attempted to make some sort of living as an artist, it is not easy! You rely on a shitload of luck and timing and more luck....oh, and a bit of talent. For me the most difficult thing is trying to balance real life with my art. I mean, even when you really try to live with the barest of means, it is hard to make a living and pay the bills and do stupid things like eat and have electricity.
I lost my job in November and have been living on my savings since. It has been next to impossible to find a job unless I want to deliver pizzas or load trucks for 14 bucks an hour. I have been trying to get unemployment but still have not received a check and have been filing for 10 weeks now. So, this brings a lot of stress and sleepless evenings and a noticeable dip in my artistic drive and creativity. The strain really does hurt my flow and has cut down on my productivity and production is what I really need right now. What good is a website that costs 16 bucks a month if there isn't a product to post on it.
So, I plod along and try to paint and look for work and call the unemployment office every day and hope that something will happen to relieve my stress and get me rolling again! I know one thing, I am looking forward to finishing the Red Lady so I can get busy on another landscape. If anyone knows a rich art supporter, send them my way! I could use a donation! LOL!!
I sit alone in my room with my paints and my pain
Much like you did so long before me
I lite my pipe and call the muse in vain
The brush waits for my command so patiently
I doubt my conviction, my skill and my faith
It should be like a shadow, sure of it's path through the day
The needed madness evades my shallow mind
I lack the tools to set my thoughts free
In a prison I'm kept while holding the key
It is me that refuses to set me free
You danced in open fashion without care of who watched
The steps chosen for you by divine command
Muscle and nerve pushing color from within
With no need to be something you could never be
Till the coursing flowing pain of what made you human
Made fate silence the passion with one heartbreaking shot
I sit in my room and feel awe at the shrinking
Only the need to stand in your cast shadows spot
And the strokes that know no doubt
Wishing for just one brief moment, the pain
That made you less mortal and a legend your name
Dear Vincent I cry for you my dear friend
Sorrow for loss and your untimely end
Humanity's missing of what could have been
And the loss of never meeting my dearest friend
I pretend to try and fail again
And shed a tear for us both
For the muse that drives our madness to us
Sleeps and hears not what I evoke
I call through the time that stands between us
and wait for the mad curtain to fall
Dear Vincent I cry for you my dear friend
Sorrow for the loss and an untimely end
And never knowing my dearest friend
So, it's a Saturday and I stayed up late starting a new painting. Well, it's actually a painting that I started a long time ago but never worked on much. I am going through and finishing up these half finished pieces finally. So this was a sketch I did of a woman back around 10 years ago when i was painting theater sets in Vermont. She was very beautiful but later on I found out that beauty is only skin deep and she turned out to be a rather nasty person. I entertained throwing the canvas away but held onto it for some reason. I am glad I did because I feel that I can change a few things and take ownership of it and make it something that it never was.
She is nude and draped with cloth while sitting on a stool with her back to me. Her neck is exposed and he short boyish hair is slightly mussed up but not messy. She has a smooth yet muscular back that is strong yet soft and sensual and her hips are full. I made the room red and started painting in whiffs of a smokey light that is streaming in from the right and above as if through a window.
I am trying to paint this a bit looser than I normally would do and expand on a new desire to add more color and movement in my work. I am enthused about the piece and it is offering me a bit of enjoyment in a time of my life that is cold and hard and anxious. I hope to add it to the website soon and use it to spring me towards more work.
So, I try to paint and be productive but my mind is heavy with the troubles that many have in this world of ours. I have no work and have less money. I am trying to be positive about it and I call on the spirits of my loved ones to help guide me forward through these difficult times. I tried to get unemployment and was denied because of a paperwork snafu. It is amazing to me that the world which I see in such color can be so black and white. I head downtown today to see if there is a human being there that I can talk with and maybe get some help. I have a job interview tomorrow where I hope to get another way of paying bills that sucks the soul from me like an open artery would. I am trying to stay hopeful but it is not easy. I hope that the darkness of my life right now does not dim the colors on my canvas.
So, I have been listening to a series of books on Audible titled "After It Happened" I started the books about the same time that I started these paintings so the characters in the book shared their journey with me as I created the paintings. Well, I finished book six today and was so inspired that I tracked down the authors Face Book page and wrote a comment explaining how much I loved the books and mentioned the paintings. About a half hour later, the author commented on my comment and asked to see the paintings. So I posted them and he commented..."AMAZING" on them!! It was great to have someone that I feel is so creative compliment my artwork! It felt great!
My brain never shuts down. It is broken and there is a constant stream of poop flowing through it...I would like to share this poop with you.